• THINPosted March 9th, 2011 At 7:53 pm By VJ Holly

    I used to be Thin. I used to not eat. I used to have an apple for breakfast and one more for lunch for dinner, go for a run and collapse by dinner time. I would say I did have an eating disorder.

    Why? Because I wanted to look like the super models I saw on the telly and in the magazines. I am writing about this because I feel like it is a very, if not extremely topic which should be touched. Or hit, really. Right between the eyes. Media has portrayed beauty in the sense that one has to fit a container in order to be Wonderful. I disagree. Took me a while though.

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    I stopped eating at 17.

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    I thought I was fat in this picture.

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    When I saw this, I told myself that I was “5 more kgs” to my goal weight.

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    I was very unhappy. I went through two years of starving myself. Or eating half the supermarket (there was once, my grocery bill came close to $300). Went home, ate everything and spent the next 6 hours crying and throwing up.

    I eventually asked myself what the purpose of that was? I hardly had any social life. I could not go out to dinner. I could not go on a date because I could not eat at dinners! Or well I could, but then I’d have to go and throw up and it would be far too messy. I pinched myself. There was not much flesh on me at the time but I pinched hard enough that I woke up from that delusional state I was hiding in and told myself that I am more than an image. I have a heart and a personality and even though I am not very good at math, I could always work on it!

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    Now i look like this! I weigh 56kgs (I tell myself Heavy Bones heehee) and my jeans are a little tight but I cannot be happier!

    I just want girls to know and to be educated regarding Body Image and the definition of beauty. It is more than the number on the scale. It is more than the number of calories in that cheese burger. I understand that many girls are going through this now and it is a struggle that you (if you are reading and are fighting the battle), I want you to know that it is possible! I did it. I gained the weight (the first time someone called me “healthy” looking I broke down and cried for days! I know how it feels) but I now am living my life to the fullest. Best part is, your boyfriend will have reason to buy you chocolate. But on a serious note, eating disorders are serious and should be treated with great attention. I hope every girl who reads this stays strong and do not conform to the media. Why be a product and prisoner? Manufacture!

    Also please do get help. Check http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/default.aspx?page=1428 for more information.

    You are more than an image. I am more than an image. You are a voice. I am a voice. We’re only human. Wanna share a brownie with me? :)

    • This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 9th, 2011 at 7:53 pm and is filed under Holly's Diary. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.


    14 Responses to “THIN”

    1. ysmnjan posted on March 9, 2011 at 8:46 pm

      HOLY MOLY! ugh yeah being fit and healthy definitely feels more fabulous :D

      Reply
    2. Marcel posted on March 9, 2011 at 9:00 pm

      It’s great to share this experience with us. And I hope that many girls with an eating disorder will learn, that it’s no life goal to be thin but to be happy.

      Reply
    3. Andrea posted on March 9, 2011 at 9:08 pm

      Great post Holly :) You are beautiful <3

      Reply
    4. Ronald posted on March 9, 2011 at 9:59 pm

      You looked seriously bad in the past. Glad you are eating normally now. This blog is seriously good and can definitely give some girls an insight to what they are heading towards. Great job Holly. =)

      Reply
    5. jessie posted on March 11, 2011 at 4:17 pm

      hey holly, I’ve observed the change in you over the years and you’re definitely looking healthier!
      I wish I could be like you and start thinking i’m more than an image and accept this body of mine.i i don’t have an eating disorder and I have three meals everyday, most of the time I’ve supper and I love teabreaks! I’m not some kind of athlete either so you might expect me to have a ‘normal’ body w meat but I’m still skinny. maybe a lil bit meat-ier than you in those pix but still skinny. I’m 165 and only weigh 44kg.): I’m sad becos’ I feel healthy and normal but I know I literally “stick” out. Any solutions other than stuffing myself?(:

      Reply
    6. Li Ling Dune posted on March 11, 2011 at 4:18 pm

      Hey Holly, I am really shock to see the photos but you really send a strong message to girls out there who are fighting eating disorder. You’re really an awesome role model and yes you look really great and healthy now :) take care and enjoy all the treats!

      Reply
    7. sherly posted on March 11, 2011 at 4:19 pm

      wow holly, that must have been difficult, to open up like that. i am glad you are doing fine, keep it up, you are beautiful and made in god’s image, rmbr that!! :) btw, didnt your mum or siblings notice the changes? did they help you? how about your friends? sorry if im asking alot.

      Reply
    8. Aii posted on March 11, 2011 at 4:19 pm

      I’m proud that you overcome this situation.Thumbs up for you holly. You’re trully right, when you’re not that too thin, bf seems to be happier to buy you foods as they know you wont throw it away.Hehehe.Girls out there should read this,I totally agreed in everything you wrote here as I was once done the same thing before and I’m not happy with who I am.Have a wonderful day holly.

      Reply
    9. Joelle posted on March 11, 2011 at 4:20 pm

      Hey Holly! Was so shocked to see the former you… I’m so glad that isn’t you anymore! You are a lot more beautiful now! And the article is a really strong message that I hope other people going through the same situation get to read. Kudos for having the confidence to share your story. It is truly an eye-opener. Good Job! :)

      Reply
    10. Bunny posted on March 11, 2011 at 4:20 pm

      I used to have a (milder) case of anorexia, too. And I know how much courage it took you to start eating again. Even though I don’t know you (I chanced upon this article), I love you for writing about it. Even though I’m over the phase of obsessing over my weight and am much more secure of my healthy body weight, the unrealistic ‘ideals’ the media proffers still gets to me. It’s still hard, but I know what you mean when you say you’re much happier ^^ Thanks for sharing :D

      Reply
    11. ching posted on March 11, 2011 at 4:21 pm

      luckily you realised and changed it!!

      Reply
    12. peach posted on March 11, 2011 at 4:21 pm

      holly….? did you exercise excessively?

      Reply
    13. Fan posted on March 22, 2011 at 10:56 pm

      Hey Holly, im glad you addressed this! Ive always been following you since your blogspot days and ive even asked you dieting qns? haha. I remembered you drank only soup or something? Glad you are well now! :)

      Reply
    14. cami_chii posted on April 21, 2011 at 5:10 pm

      hey holly :D thanks for the advice .. i think i have an eating disorder as well .. my weight is 43 kg now and i think i’m fat to lose more weight . i was fat when i was a kid . and suddenly i get conscious on what i eat then started be thinner , the problem is .. i got obsessed on becoming thinner and thinne. now as much as possible , i eat one a day .. thanks for making me read this blog :D .. it’s quite a wake up call

      Reply

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